In a small a trek outside the sanctuary of my home, I found myself traveling in the wild outdoors. My goal was simple: Get the mail. However, the wild outdoors are an intimidating beast, and rarely do they allow a goal to be so easily achieved.
Along my journey, there were several things to avoid. The swirling hordes of gnats, moths, and other airborne pests, the natural landmines created by my furry companions, and also, well, cars. My mailbox is a kind of dangerous place. Regardless, the journey went without difficulty, that is until I was one turn of a handle from retreating back into my warm, protective womb. The wild outdoors knew to strike when I thought I had succeeded, and they knew to bring their champion. Holyshitimus Giantfuckingbuggae.
No less than a foot from the entry to my home, this hideous beast relaxed comfortably on the wall. Comfortably because, he (or she) knew that I could not pass. I could have made a sprint for the door, but the monster knew my intentions, and would have made quick work of me. Then, suprisingly, the scientist within me (there was one?) arose from the depths to let me know that I should chronicle this gross joke of Mother Nature. With nothing more than my cellphone I approached, ready to document my findings.
After a small series of pictures, I noticed the beast turned his formidable glare upon me, and it was then that I knew I was doomed. I pulled the cellphone away, but it was too late. The largest praying mantis science had ever recorded (and by science, I mean me) lunged itself at me in a spiraling death-lance maneuver. Approaching my face at nearly the speed of light I was left with little option but to engage the secret techniques of my ancestors.
Dropping the cellphone immediately, as the beast was inches from my face (or perhaps feet, I may have been too scared to notice), I engaged the shrill battlecry of the thousands of Mussers that came before me. Most men would shrivel in fear of this bellowing warrior call, while I suppose, a few others could possibly laugh at me.
With no option left to me, as the lunging mantis advanced, I took the only available course of action. I continued my battlecry, and swiftly began the rite of my people. The Hokey-Pokey. I danced in circles, flailing my arms, screaming at the beast, instilling the fear of God within it. The monster surely knew, I meant business. His lunge missed his mark, as I was so sure it would, and it mattered little. I had already began the hopping/falling/screaming that signaled the doom of, well, my manhood.
I had stated this was a scientific discovery, and while the fact that this praying mantis could very well have been the largest ever recorded could be considered a discovery, that is not the particular one of which I speak. No, today science discovered that Cody Musser, is, in fact, a giant pansy.
/Film
24 Frames Per Second
AnimEigo
Blue Underground
Criterion Collection
Discotek Media
Dragon Dynasty
DVD Active
Fantoma
Film Junk
Focus Features
Kung Fu Cinema
Kung Fu Cult Cinema
Midnight Eye
Mondo Macabro
Panik House Entertainment
Pathfinder Pictures
Pittsburgh Filmmakers
Private Screening
Ryuganji - Japan Film News
Severin Films
Subversive Cinema
Tartan Films USA
ThinkFilm
Twitch
Blog Archive
- February 2011 (1)
- July 2010 (2)
- April 2010 (1)
- February 2010 (2)
- June 2009 (3)
- May 2009 (1)
- April 2009 (1)
- February 2009 (2)
- January 2009 (2)
- March 2008 (1)
- February 2008 (2)
- January 2008 (1)
- August 2007 (2)
- July 2007 (5)
- June 2007 (11)
- May 2007 (8)
- April 2007 (6)
- March 2007 (15)
- February 2007 (7)
- January 2007 (10)
- December 2006 (4)
- November 2006 (5)
- October 2006 (9)
- September 2006 (4)
- August 2006 (2)
- July 2006 (18)
Labels
- 100 Word Reviews (1)
- 100th Post (1)
- 1984 (2)
- 1UP (1)
- 2007 (1)
- 2D Fighting (2)
- 3 Floyds (1)
- 360 (1)
- 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1)
- Academics (1)
- Advertising (2)
- Alan Moore (1)
- Alternate Reality Game (1)
- Anime (8)
- Apple (1)
- ARG (1)
- Army of Two (1)
- Art (1)
- Asian Culture (1)
- Band of Bugs (1)
- Batman (1)
- Beards (1)
- Beatiful Boxes (1)
- Beer (1)
- Big Brother (1)
- Bleach (3)
- Bleach DS (1)
- Blog (3)
- Bodygroom (1)
- Bomberman Live (1)
- Bookmarks (1)
- Books (10)
- Boxart (1)
- Brave Story (1)
- Broken Console (1)
- Bronson (1)
- Bukkake Party (1)
- Burning Crusade (1)
- Career (1)
- Castlevania (1)
- Catan (1)
- Celebration (1)
- Charlie Huston (1)
- Chin Music Press (1)
- civil war (1)
- Claymore (1)
- Cockfight (1)
- Cody (1)
- Cold Souls (1)
- Comedy (2)
- comics (7)
- Computers (1)
- Coursework (11)
- Craft Beer (1)
- Cyberpunk (1)
- Darklord (1)
- Darklord Day (1)
- Darren Aranofsky (1)
- David Finch (1)
- David Mamet (1)
- Death Jr. (1)
- Denno Coil (1)
- Diablo (1)
- Die Hard (1)
- Digital Ethnography (1)
- Double-Headed Dildo (1)
- Downloads (1)
- Dreams (1)
- DS (5)
- DVD (3)
- Dystopia (9)
- E3 (4)
- E3 2009 (3)
- E3 Predictions (3)
- EA (1)
- Edmond (1)
- Education (1)
- El Cazador (1)
- Electronic Arts (1)
- Esquire Magazine (1)
- Essays (1)
- Ethnography (1)
- ExitingARM (1)
- Fat: What No One Is Telling You (1)
- Fatal Fury (1)
- Features (1)
- Fiction (8)
- Fight Some Nazis (1)
- Film (8)
- Films (1)
- Final Fantasy (3)
- Flannel (1)
- Foreign Film (2)
- Free Stuff (1)
- Free Videos (1)
- From Wii (1)
- Future (Not So) Perfect (1)
- Fuyumi Ono (1)
- Game Boy Advance (1)
- Game Music (1)
- Games (16)
- Games and Art (1)
- Gaming Journalism (1)
- Gaming News (1)
- Gaming Wisdom (1)
- GBA (1)
- Geekery (1)
- George Orwell (2)
- Gettin' Some Ink Done Nuggah (1)
- Giant Robots (1)
- Gladiator (1)
- Google (1)
- Google Is Gay (1)
- Gordon Liu (1)
- Graphic Novels (1)
- Graphic Novles (1)
- Grizzly Adams (1)
- Gundam (1)
- Gurren-Lagann (1)
- HAPPO (1)
- Hardees (1)
- HDTV (1)
- Heath Ledger (1)
- Hip-Hop (2)
- History of America (1)
- Home Theater (1)
- Hot Spring (1)
- Icky Thump (1)
- Illuminati (1)
- Imeem (1)
- Impressions (1)
- Internet (5)
- iPhone (1)
- iPhone 4 (1)
- iPhone Reception (1)
- iPhone Signal (1)
- Jack London (1)
- Japan (5)
- Japanator (1)
- Jennifer Connelly (1)
- Jobs (1)
- Journalism (1)
- Katamari Damacy (1)
- Keita Takahashi (1)
- Kid Icarus (1)
- Kuhaku (1)
- Lego Universe (1)
- Literature (10)
- Locke (1)
- Lord Cockstrong (1)
- Lost in Blue 2 (1)
- Lovedeath (1)
- Lunar Knights (1)
- Lyrics (1)
- Mai Shiranui (1)
- Manga (3)
- Manuary (1)
- Margaret Atwood (2)
- Mario (1)
- marvel (2)
- Marvel Comics (1)
- Marvel Ultimate Alliance (1)
- Marvel Zombies (1)
- Me (1)
- Metroid (1)
- Mickey Rourke (1)
- Microsoft (5)
- MIDI (1)
- Mii (1)
- MMORPG (1)
- Modojo (2)
- Monkeys (1)
- Moon Knight (2)
- Mother 3 (1)
- Movies (15)
- MP3 (1)
- MPAA (1)
- Music (8)
- Naruto (3)
- Naruto 360 (1)
- Naruto Shippuuden (1)
- Neuromancer (1)
- Nine Inch Nails (1)
- Nintendo (13)
- Nintendo DS (5)
- Nobi Nobi Boy (1)
- Origin (1)
- Orwell (1)
- Padma Lakshmi (1)
- Pandora (1)
- Papercraft (1)
- Paprika (2)
- Paul Giamatti (1)
- PBS (1)
- PC Games (1)
- Philips Norelco (1)
- Picture Post (10)
- Picturee Post (1)
- Playstation (1)
- Playstation 2 (1)
- Playstation 3 (2)
- Playstations 3 (1)
- Pleasure Eating (1)
- Pornography (2)
- Previews (2)
- PSP (3)
- PSP Go (1)
- Public Relations (1)
- Radio (1)
- Random (13)
- Rap (1)
- Red Ring of Death (1)
- Research Paper (3)
- Research Papers (1)
- Return of the Mack (1)
- Reviews (10)
- Riviera (1)
- Riviera PSP (1)
- Robin Williams (1)
- Rock (1)
- Ryuhei Kitamura (1)
- Sarcasm (2)
- Scarlett Johannson (1)
- Sexiest Woman Alive (1)
- SNK (1)
- Socialism (1)
- Songs (1)
- Sonic (1)
- Sony (5)
- Sony PS3 (2)
- Sony PSP (3)
- Space Giraffe (1)
- Spoilers (1)
- Spring 2007 Anime (1)
- Spring Cleaning (1)
- Strategy RPG (1)
- Street Fighter (1)
- Subtle (2)
- Sudokuro (1)
- Summer Reading (1)
- Tactical RPG (1)
- Tattoos (1)
- Technology (1)
- The Christ Figure (1)
- The Handmaid's Tale (2)
- The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle (1)
- The Iron Heel (1)
- The Joker (1)
- The Lathe of Heaven (1)
- The Question of God (1)
- The Rocketeer (1)
- The Skullman (1)
- The Twelve Kingdoms (1)
- The White Stripes (1)
- The Wrestler (1)
- Thickburger (1)
- Thomas More (1)
- Three Floyds (1)
- Tokyopop (1)
- Tom Waits (1)
- Top 10 (3)
- Top 5 (1)
- Tose (1)
- Toward the Terra (1)
- Trailers (7)
- Trent Reznor (1)
- Under Construction (1)
- Under the Radar Movies (1)
- Unlikely Rock Shock (1)
- Updates (1)
- Ursula Le Guin (1)
- Utopia (1)
- V for Vendetta (1)
- Valhalla Knights (1)
- Video (3)
- Video Games (21)
- Virtual Console (2)
- Virtual Ethnography (1)
- Virus Sperm (1)
- Viva Pinata (1)
- Web 2.0 (1)
- Weight Loss (1)
- Wii (10)
- William Gibson (1)
- William H. Macy (1)
- wolverine (2)
- World of Warcraft (2)
- World's Greatest Dad (1)
- Writing Portfolio (1)
- WTF (1)
- X-Men (1)
- XBLA (2)
- Xbox 360 (10)
- Xbox Live Arcade (3)
- Year in Review (5)
- Year Zero (1)
- Zelda (1)
- Zenspace (3)