E3 ... The Post-Post ...

Originall posted on 05/14/2006 at 1up.com

Alright ... this could get large ... if Firefox Crashes ... I'll tear it's heart out ...

Well, it's over, and this was the best-est E3 ever. I've stayed up to date on all the news as it dropped, and I clicked refresh on gaming sites more often than I'd like to admit. I'll start my afterthoughts post with what I think were the bests of E3. Consoles, Genres, all decisions are made with care.

The Company Rundown
1. Nintendo - It's basically impossible to disagree that Ninny was best in show.
2. Microsoft - Microsoft proved that the 360 is a shooter's alley of first person wonder. Live Anywhere sealed the deal.
3. Sony - Sorry, sad, Playstation 3. Their only impressive games won't be showing till 2007, and with nothing but stolen ideas, de-hyped graphics, and a sky-high pricepoint, no one will be playing till 2007 anyways. I mean, did you see Genji 2 ??? God, what a disaster.

Console Awards
Playstation 3 - Metal Gear Solid 4: Nuff' Said.
Playstation 2 - God of War 2: This game breaks the PS2 boundary. It's seriously looking better than some PS3 demos I saw.
Gamecube - Super Paper Mario: The last great Cube game. (Everyone knows Zelda doesn't count.)
Wii - The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: It's hard to pick a Zelda over a Mario and a Metroid, but the anticipation for this title is bubbling over.
DS - Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin: Almost a tie between this and Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, confirmed co-op Wi-Fi play for C:PoR FTW!
PSP - Was there a PSP game at E3??? LoL. Ninny pwns handhelds ... again.
Xbox - RIP.
Xbox 360 - Gears of War: There's little to be said about Gears of War except, masterpiece. Most impressive gameplay demo I've ever seen.
PC - Spore: Will Wright can make a living universe. Umm ... is he Jesus??

Genre Awards
Shooter - Gears of War: Who says FPS is any better than 3PS anyways. Long live 3PS!!
Platformer - Super Mario Galaxy: It's being hailed as the most polished Wii game, and it looks like I can feel cool to play kids games again.
RPG - Final Fantasy 12: Sure, I want to give it to 13, but that's hard to do just over a 30-second trailer. Almost gave this to Disgaea 2.
Racing - Excite Truck: If this is a true successor to Excite Bike, I should be able to make levels, if I can't, fark this.
Fighting - Super Smash Brothers Brawl: The Tekkens and Virtua Fighters are just looking so boooring. The graphics aren't even that good IMHO. Snake ??? Fuckyes!!
Action - The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: Without so much as a doubt.

Random Awards
Most Artistic Game - Okami
Most Under-Pressed Game - Bioshock: Not one single vid, wtf ??
Worst Next-Gen Game - Bladestorm PS3: My lord, watch the vid, what schlock. Genji 2 is a close second, the enemies were just ... standing there. I don't care if there's fucking 10,000 ... if they're just goddamm standing there.
Best Graphics - Crysis: Say it loud, "TRUE NEXT-GEN."
Worst Wii Game - Final Furlong: Sure I wanna give it to Spongebob, but ... horse racing ???
Most Bad-Ass Character - Raiden, MGS4: Wow ... he's so cool now. I wanna have his babies.
Best Atmosphere - Bioshock: The game-world of Bioshock is the coolest idea I've heard in a while. I'm pissed I didn't think of it.
Best Trailer - Halo 3: The MGS4 15-Minute trailer was gorgeous, and righteous, and angelic, but it didn't have one thing, that song playing in the Halo 3 trailer. That song, does a perfect trailer make.

Gears of War, Xbox 360: Surprised?? You see, Zelda is a Wii game, and you can't call any Wii game really exemplary I think, until that controller is in your own hand. Gears of War on the other hand, A-MAZING. If you don't have your 360 for this, you're fucking your own ass ... and hard-like.

That was long, and I'm not even done. Moving on like, Five Dissapointments from the show.

1. No Kid Icarus for the Wii. This was balanced by the fact that Kid Ic' is in Super Smash Brothers Brawl, so at least I know Ninny has him in mind. Also, a PunchOut! remake maybe?? We all want it.
2. Playstation 3. I really wanted to buy both consoles this fall. But anything about $500 fucked that. Honestly, with two games and another controller, maybe a headset or some other shit, and BAM!, PS3=$800.
3. Metroid Prime 3 has 'conversation' ???? The hunters from MP: Hunters are making appearances in 3, I've seen dialogue, and many other characters roaming in large-scale battles on your side. Seriously Ninny, don't fuck with my Metroid atmoshpere. Being creepily alone is part of the experience.
4. No official Wii date or price ... BS.
5. Umm ... Devil May Cry 4, Killzone, Resident Evil 5 ??? Where were they ?? I'm glad we're calling "shit-peddlers" on the pre-rendered trailers. Sure RE5 looked cool, but why wasn't it at E3. Because they were lying ...

So ... a new Top 10 and a 1/2 is to be expected ... and here I deliver. Plus a 1/2!!

1. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Wii
2. Gears of War - 360
3. Super Mario Galaxy - Wii
4. Metroid Prime 3 - Wii
5. Bioshock - 360
6. Okami - PS2
7. Final Fantasy XII - PS2
8. Super Smash Brothers Brawl - Wii
9. God of War 2 - PS2
10. Spore - PC
10.5 Hellgate: London - PC
You'll notice no MGS4 or FF13 on this list, because really, I'm not getting a PS3 until sometime in 2007 anyways, so they're not so much of a priority. I'll fix the one up top sooner or later.

... and what good is a post without at least one pic ... Edit: But it seems IGN are being Fuckstars and not letting me steal a lil' bw from a hotlink. If you wanna see the beautiful images I've chosen, just right+click and view, that should work.

Reeking of atmosphere ??? You bet.

+ 5 Reading Points to those who've finished.
You've gained a Level!!


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